Have you ever done something you know you shouldn't have?

Something you knew you shouldn't have done before you do it and them confirming your suspicions after doing it?

Why must people have emotions...and because we do, why can't we control them? Why can't we repress them...or when one tries to repress them it only seems to depress them. Reevaluating my current situation...what am I doing...why am I doing...I need to know lots of things. I can't ask him how he feels but I need to know. He's left the house to run an errand...I declined his invitation to join him. He knows there are things running through my mind, but he doesn't know what. My mind is mud. I'm frustrated. Frustration, thy name is Robin. Never knowing what I want. Never content in routine and craving routine at the same time. Needing attention and rejecting attention. Not saying what I need. Not saying what I want. Not saying anything. Building things up to let them fall apart.

calm, cold december night
the clouds wisp across the night sky
you're out there
aren't you?
brilliant moon lighting the path to you
can you see me?
you know i'm here
crisp wind biting my fingertips
cold
getting
colder
hazy vision out of blurry eyes
a dream forgotten
a dream lost
a dream will forever only be
a dream

wow. take that for bad teenage poetry.

sometimes it just feels good.

You never know who's watching you...and you think you're so anonymous online.

You're not. THEY'RE WATCHING YOU.

THEY own my ass.
(a button on my messenger bag...which is spankorific, by the way.)

Came home late last night after helping out at a catering gig for my friend. The money was good, but I was so exhausted afterwards. I was having all sorts of melancholy thoughts passing through my head. i had recieved strange news that my only uncle had died. I'm not doubting the news at all. Only a few days ago I spoke of him in a not-so-fond manner. I didn't really care whether he was alive or not...but it's so different actually thinking he is dead and no one else seems to care. My mother (his sister) had no idea. She called his father and he didn't want to know in case he had to claim a body...so now it's just a mystery that I can't think of a way of confirming.

That...and I found out that people do read this page. Sorry I haven't updated the new site. I haven't fixed my computer yet so I'm on Brian's iBook...so no scanner or stuff like that.

I have to go to work. I think I'll just wear what I wore last night because I'm too lazy to put anything else together and I really really ahve to do laundry!

I'm not paranoid.

Happy Chrimby to all!

It went off without a hitch...and it's finally over! Did the usual Chimby sorts of stuff...went to see the fam...went to the beach. It was cold out, but no snow this holiday. Bummer. As much as I don't really like snow I'd really like to see a good blanket of it. Especially since I don't have to drive to work. This winter my little Saturn will be buried underneath a giant snow-plow pile.

I got an awkward e-mail...concerning my confessions on an online comic BBS. I'm not so concerned about confirming the truth but that it appears this person went out of their way to find it. (It was posted during the summer.) It makes me wonder what is going on...and it's probally better that I don't know.

So here we are...a cozy evening at home...our three foot tree covered with devil head ornaments made of glass from Germany. Stereo MCs play on the Hi-Fi. I'm chilling with an oversized blue oxford shirt and oversized comfy ragwool blue socks waiting for my tea water to be piping hot and to enjoy a cuppa and a bickie. Brian is in his cruising around the house gear playing with his new Chrimby toys and Sheep...well, Sheep is being Sheep.

It doesn't feel like the holidays are upon us.

Luckily it snowed a few nights ago...it was really nice.

Brian and I went to his cousin Mary Colleen's wedding a couple weeks ago. It was an Irish wedding...it was so mcuh fun! I've never met a nicer group of people. We're back together too...it was really odd and grey for a while. I think it was good for both of to step back and take a good look at everything around us. I think we just work well together.

So, in preparation for the holidays, I present the one cookie hat says Christmas to me. My Aunt Sandi loved Christmas and I always get emotional this time of year because this was her time. She had a whole collection of Santa Clauses and had all sorts of people over on Christmas eve. She made plates and plates of cookies...everyone brought something...and in the end we all left with bags and bags of presents.

Aunt Sandi's Christmas cookies

2 1/4 cups of flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup of butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1 egg
2 tablespoons of milk
1 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 375F. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In another large bowl beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg and the milk and vanilla. Stir in the flour mixture.

Grease a cookie sheet. Make tablespoon sized balls...about 1 inch sized balls of dough and place them about an inch apart. DO NOT FLATTEN! Bake them 10-13 minutes or until golden brown on the bottom. Set them to cool.

the frosting....
One box of powdered sugar
1/3 cup of cold water
splash of vanilla

Mix the sugar and water and vanilla to make a paste. I usually then separate the frosting into small bowls and use food colouring to dye them. Aunt Sandi would dye the red and green and leave some white. I've experimented with all sorts of colours. With a spoon put the frosting on top of the cooled cookie and let dry. The frosting shouldn't cover the entire cookie...but just the top with cookie showing at the bottom. They should take a couple hours to dry.

Enjoy! They make a lovely holiday addition!

If I get to it I'll add more cookie recipes...like my cute sugar cookies!!!