Lots of things transpired within the last couple of weeks.

Good things, but mostly not-so-good-things.

I become weary of doctors. Doctors who want to 'help' you. Doctors who don't want to see you 'hurt'. Doctors that want to send you to a 'nice' place. Doctors who want to give you medication because depression is a 'medical' condition not a 'mental' condition. If it is indeed medical, then how come it didn't go into effect until some unfortunate occurances?

Everytime I see a doctor my medication is doubled. 25mg...50mg...100mg...yet I haven't spoken to a doctor for more than 20 minutes? (and they're all different doctors, not sharing notes.)

This all makes me think I was better off being a little 'blue'. Being sad. Just being. Everyday the same, but not. I'm optimistic that I will feel 'better'. That I will 'feel' at all. I feel like I'm in a medicated strait-jacket. I feel like the world is going by and I'm just muddling through it. It's a terrible feeling, but I will try it out and see if thing do indeed get 'better'.

I haven't had a stressful dream in two weeks. I sleep more than I did before. I fall asleep hours before I used to. I feel sleepy all day. I still lack initivitve. I should go outside just because it's my day off. I should just go back to bed.