Hmm. I'm having trouble viewing my own blogger.

It looks as if it's going to be a really nice day outside. I keep meaning to get up and do my laundry, I'll get to it eventually. Then I have to clear out the trunk of my car and pack it up with all my summer necessities...first aid kit with extra bandages, travelling ice pack, bottles of water, more bandaids...tonight will be my first night of the year BMX racing. I'm looking forward to it although I haven't really veen practicing at all. I'll ride some this afternoon before they start setting up the track.

Meanwhile, back in apartment six, I'm waiting for this hair colour stuff to set in as I try (once again!) to have red red hair. Who knows how it'll come out. Knowing my luck with my past attempts it won't do much of anything except dye the shower and towels red!

Okay! That's it! I gotta get outta here!!!

I've been having a few thoughts rattling around in my head. Mainly my own insecurities.

If I stopped thinking half the time and just allowed myself to live my life along with observing all taht was around me, I'd probally be less likely to get myself down like I have. Right now, for all intensive purposes, I'm in a good spot. Of course, like everything there are things that could be done to improve my said situation...but it could be a hell of a lot worse. If I take the time to look at what I do have versus what I could have I would find I'm still a very, very fortunate person. Sure. I would love a job that utilizes some of my talent, but only I can fix that. I would love to go to school, but only I can do something about that. The things I do have, I wouldn't trade for anything. I have a wonderful circle of friends who are all very supportive of each other. (and they're fun to boot!) I live in a super-cute town where too many people than I care to know know my name but it sometimes brings a smile to my face that people care to recognize me. I have an ultra-ace person to share my life with, Bryan, who I would do anything in the world for. Someone who I can trust completely and I want to share my life with and that I'm completely, madly in love with.

So I may not have finacial security. I may not have a solid career path. However, I have what most people strive their entire life to obtain...

I'm feeling pretty damn good today.

I'm feeling very discontent.

I feel like the only place that I am truely safe is in my room with the door shut.

I know I give people the wrong impression. I do it on a daily basis. I betray my own thoughts and feelings to save myself from having to show myself to the world. Look at me! I'm happy! I'm cheerful! All is well!

rarr.

My room still hasn't been moved out of yet!

I don't want to go to work today. I didn't want to even get out of bed. I wanted to stop time.

It's funny how friends will find you.

And good friends don't really mind that you haven't talked to them in a few years.

Back in the fall of 1994, when I attended WCSU I was a VAX junkie. I loved e-mail. I loved BBSes. I loved MUDs. I found a little area on the university's VAX service called CHAT. I went under that psuedonym Catti-brie...and under that name I developed a small, tight-knit circle of friends under the Connecticut State University umbrella. These people were some of my best memories from school.

It's funny how friends will find you.

And good friends don't really mind that you haven't talked to them in a few years.

Back in the fall of 1994, when I attended WCSU I was a VAX junkie. I loved e-mail. I loved BBSes. I loved MUDs. I found a little area on the university's VAX service called CHAT. I went under that psuedonym Catti-brie...and under that name I developed a small, tight-knit circle of friends under the Connecticut State University umbrella. These people were some of my best memories from school.